I gave a private dance to a customer who looked like a combination of Moses and Charles Manson in sweat shorts and sandals with socks. It was one of those occassions where I asked him if he wanted a dance because I was trying not to be lazy and my stomach sunk when he answered “yes”.
I learned that the dancer from the Virgin Islands claims to be a virgin. This makes her a(n alleged) virgin from the Virgin Isles.
A Mexican man asked me during a dance:
“You know what is beautiful?”
“What’s that?”
“Lesbians. Lesbians are beautiful. Are you a lesbian?”
“Sometimes.”
“All the most beautiful women are lesbians.”
A man told me that he watched Watchmen for the first time which caused him to go on a bender because he loved the comic so much. Then he told me about how he rubs his cat’s head with a wet washcloth when it’s hot out, which his cat doesn’t appreciate.
My psychiatrist regular paid me to talk to him about my love life, which is our usual thing. He never buys dances or sits at the rack, he just hands me $20’s to talk to him while he drinks gin and plays video poker. I try to make stuff up that is loosely based on the truth.
I watched a full rack of twenty-something dudes who had just finished cheering and throwing tips for a tan blonde in a school girl skirt dancing to Murder City Devils as they stopped, hesitated and looked confused and suspicious as the musical theater stripper came on stage and made them listen to Ella Fitzgerald. They really hadn’t signed up for this; I could tell it felt like a trick. I felt bad for all parties involved.
I’ve worked with several of these musical theater strippers in the past and they’re all pretty similar. Most often, they are theater majors. They are too sensitive for this line of work and never cease to be surprised and hurt when men act like pigs. They dance way too interpretively. They love fedoras, boas, music from Cabaret, and lip-synching. They act out all the lyrics to M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” with gusto and as if it has never been done before. They actually play Bjork in the strip club. Every club usually has one. They are fun to complain about, so I hope I work with her again.
